


Dickplomatic Solutions

by crossingwinter



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Crack turned Serious, F/M, Obi-Wan's tone is more Clone Wars Obi-Wan than movies Obi-Wan, Past Obi-Wan Kenobi/Asajj Ventress, Pegging, Post TLJ, butt stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:06:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22773856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crossingwinter/pseuds/crossingwinter
Summary: “Listen, Ben,” Obi-Wan tells him, “It’s perfectly natural to want to be pegged by your sworn enemy.  I’ve done it countless times.”
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 78
Kudos: 234
Collections: Reylo Pegging Fics





	Dickplomatic Solutions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [persimonne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/persimonne/gifts), [aionimica](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aionimica/gifts), [meritmut](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meritmut/gifts), [Melusine11](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melusine11/gifts).



> for some heathens

He expects it to be his uncle who will haunt his dreams. He expects that  _ see you around, kid _ to actually mean something.

But it’s not.

He’s sitting there meditating on his pain, trying to amp up his anger so he can stoke his power when the thought flashes across his mind. Rey’s lips on his throat, her—he swallows—abs flexing and as she shoves a dildo up his butt.

_ She left me,  _ he growls at his own brain. She had closed the door of the  _ Falcon _ right in his dumb face. She didn’t want  _ him _ .

And then a voice flits across his mind—one he’s never heard before in his entire life, and yet one whose origin he knows as truly as he knows anything.

“Listen, Ben,” Obi-Wan tells him, “It’s perfectly natural to want to be pegged by your sworn enemy. I’ve done it countless times.”

Ben can’t breathe. 

He hates it when people go into his head.

“Oh, I wasn’t in your head,” Obi-Wan continues and Ben’s eyes snap open. The Force Ghost is sitting in front of him, all bearded because he  _ can _ grow a beard unlike Ben whose facial hair has been scraggly every time he’s tried, and—and—serene. “You were projecting it out across the Force. I’d be surprised if Rey didn’t feel the disturbance herself.”

“I was—” Ben swallows. “I was projecting—”

“Your desire to have Rey penetrate you out into the great wilds of Space? Oh yes. Why do you think Luke isn’t here? I haven’t seen a defeat so handily done since...well...you and he on Crait.”

So his uncle knows he wants to get buttfucked by a Jedi.

_ I suppose that’s nothing new. _

It’s not like he...hasn’t had fantasies like this before. It’s not like he hasn’t spent years playing with his own asshole. He’s just...never had a fantasy with a face. Never with a name. Never with eyes like hers, or a hand that reached for his own.

“Now,” Obi-Wan says. “The first thing I’d say is—make sure you’ve douched properly.” Ben sits bolt upright, his face going bright red. “It’s a good practice to get into with all anal—”

“You really don’t have to be here.”

Obi-Wan’s force ghost blinks at him. “It’s important to have safe and healthy sexual congress with all partners, whatever their orientations and physical manifestations, and it’s good to know how to—”

“It’s a fantasy,” Ben grits out at him. “It doesn’t have to be true to life.”

“But don’t you ever want it to be a reality?” Obi-Wan asks. “Because, as I said, it’s perfectly natural to want to get pegged by your sworn enemy. Asajj Ventress pegged me at least four times, and it wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t want that fantasy to be a reality. Turned out it was more a fantasy than the diplomatic solutions I thought I was engaging her in, but she sure can be tricky.”

He gives Ben a benign smile which makes Ben hope he never has a sexual fantasy ever again in his life.

This is at least six times worse than the first time he’d heard his parents having sex, and four and a half times worse than that time he overheard Luke jerking it at the praxeum.

“Oh come now,” Obi-Wan says benignly. “This is definitely not worse than you overhearing Luke masturbating. I speak from experience there too.”

-

Obi-Wan had been right about one thing:

He’d been projecting it so far into the galaxy that Rey knows about it.

He knows this because when they next accidentally connect through that Force Bond, she is blushing and can’t look him in the eye, which is about the least characteristic thing he can think of for Rey. Rey doesn’t blush, or look away. Rey runs at him head-on, every time.

Except when she’d found him shirtless.

When she’d wanted him but hadn’t known how to want him.

Oh.

“Hi,” he says, reaching up and scratching a part of his head that definitely doesn’t have an itch, his heart—and dick—trying hard not to swell uncomfortably with hope. His butthole doesn’t get the memo, though, because it does flex a bit at the sight of her. He feels so empty, suddenly.

“Listen, I’d rather not do this,” she says, exactly the way she had that night when she’d found him fresh after training.

“You and I both know that’s not true,” he says.  _ Ok, roast me,  _ he thinks. 

And then, unhelpfully, the memory of Obi-Wan:  _ Asajj liked her snark, but even she couldn’t deny how much she wanted to put it in my butt. _

Rey doesn’t roast him though. She seems lost for words.

“Do you want to put it in my butt?” he blurts out. 

“Ben we can’t do this,” she protests and there’s sadness there, regret.  _ Ok, so maybe all hope is not truly lost.  _ His dick does swell in his pants a bit. Ugh. He’s gonna get a full-on semi over her not losing faith in him like everyone always does. At least he’s wearing a decent vest that’ll hide it.

The vest, it turns out, is a traitor, though and the stiff quilted fabric begins to pop out over his tenting pants.

“We can,” he grits out, determined to ignore the burgeoning erection. “No one needs to know. It’s…” How had Obi-Wan phrased it? “It’s an attempt to find a diplomatic solution.”

He didn’t really expect that line to work.

But it did, somehow.

Probably because Rey really wanted to put it in his butt. 

After ten minutes of quick douching—thank god he’d already pooped that day—Ben returns to his bedroom. He half expects Rey to be gone because if there’s one thing he’s learned about these little…force moments they share, it’s that they’re unpredictable in their length and that they always happen when he least wants them, which means they’re likely to  _ end _ right when he wants them most.

But Rey’s there, and naked, and good lord she’s got a strap-on on her hips. She actually has a strap-on. All her protestations about how they couldn’t do it and she was the one with the strap on. 

He begins to smirk, which is when Rey grabs him and throws him down on the bed. There she is. His fierce Rey. If he could purr at the sight of her like that, passionate and determined and somehow making time for him, he would. Instead he kicks his knees up so that his butt is exposed. 

God he’s hard. His dick is swollen and sensitive against his stomach as he lies there, looking up at Rey. 

“Please tell me you’ve at least done  _ some _ butt stuff on your own,” Rey mutters as she holds out a hand and—how had she known where he kept his bottle of lube? That he even had one? Because she’d summoned it so easily to her hand.

“Obviously,” he replies. 

“Good.”

He could come from the feeling of her hand on his asshole alone. Stars that feels good. Rey just touching him. Wanting to touch him. Wanting to make him feel good. They could find middle ground in that, surely they could work something out, right?

Carefully, almost gently, she works his asshole, stretching him out, stroking his shaft—never the tip, she probably knows how close he fucking is already—as she does it. “Easy,” she tells him when he whimpers, not necessarily knowing it’s a good whimper. Because it’s a good whimper. Holy balls it’s a good whimper.

Some of that thought must have gotten projected out because Rey cups his balls and it’s the best feeling. If she were actually there, if this were actually them together, in love, with nothing between them, he’d close his eyes but for now, he’s going to drink in what he can get of her as she has one hand fingering his butt and the other massaging his testicles.

He can feel that weird contradiction of relaxation and tension rising within him as her fingers disappear and she slides the dildo into him, his asshole fluttering around it, and—

Hope.

Sweet sweet hope, filling him.

Rey.

And the strap-on  _ she had gotten herself _ .

He locks eyes with her. “More,” he whispers. And she begins to thrust. 

God he’s going to come. Already. She’s thrusted all of two times. A two-pump chump in the other way.

_ It’s not about stamina, Ben,  _ Obi-Wan’s voice flits across his mind.  _ It’s about feeling yourself, supporting and loving your partner. _

“Rey,” he groans.

“Kylo.”

_ Kylo? _

That feels wrong somehow.

It shouldn’t. 

Wait when had he started calling himself Ben?

_ Obi-Wan. _

Was this some trick of Luke’s?

He looks up at Rey and she’s watching him and there’s such hope in his eyes. Does she think she’s fucking him back to the light? Does she want him?

“Kylo,” she says it again and this time her thumb swipes across the tip of his dick and—and—

She called him Kylo. She wants him even if he’s Kylo. Even if Kylo doesn’t seem to fit with her dildo up his ass, it doesn’t matter. She wants him. She hasn’t given up on him.

He whimpers.

And comes.

-

When he comes to, Rey is gone. He’s lying there, flaccid and covered in his own drying jizz and Rey is gone. 

Of course the Force would take her away from him.

“Damn it,” he mutters. He hadn’t even been able to get her off.

“Oh, I’m sure she’s taking care of business,” Obi-Wan says mildly. “She seems quite adept.”

He groans. “Can you leave me alone to clean myself up.”

“But the instinct to want to pleasure her is a good one,” Obi-Wan continues as though Ben hadn’t said anything. “Lean into it next time.”

_ Next time? _

He swallows.

And the vision of Rey astride his face blossoms in his mind, her leaning forward and using her hand to guide the dildo in and out of him…

“That’s the spirit,” Obi-Wan says jovially. “Now, I must go find Asajj. I think she’ll like that idea.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Perfectly Natural](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22921717) by [persimonne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/persimonne/pseuds/persimonne), [Spiegatrix_Lestrange](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spiegatrix_Lestrange/pseuds/Spiegatrix_Lestrange)




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